5 Geeky Mother’s Day Gifts to Avoid

While certain gadgets do indeed make swell gifts for that special lady in your life, here’s a look at 5 of them that don’t.

Pink Taser

The Pitch:

Taser says, “It’s that time of year when everyone is shopping for the perfect gift for Mom,” and calls the CS2 model in metallic pink, “The perfect gift, just in time for Mother’s Day.”

Why It’s Not Ideal: 

• Someone will invariably be tased after Mom opens it. It’s her day!
• It requires a background check, which spoils the surprise.
• It’s illegal in seven states, plus “certain cities and counties.”

Exceptions to the Rule:

• Your mom is Beth Chapman.
• Tasing is a Mother’s Day tradition in your family.

Buy It Anyway: $319.99 at Taser.com

USB Metallic I Love You Hand Gesture Necklace Flash Drive

The Pitch:

Brando says, “Metallic I Love You Hand Gesture shape. Necklace is included to wear around your neck, surely will give you a stylish look.”

Why It’s Not Ideal: 

• “Stylish look” used liberally in product description.
• If that hand gesture means “I love you,” that’ll be news to a lot of people.
• Rule of thumb for jewelry: Does it connect to a computer and store up to 16 gigabytes of data? If not, you’re on the right track.

Exceptions to the Rule:

• Your mom just walked by your computer and said, “Ooh! Pretty!”
• You can make this hand gesture at your mom and she says, “I love you, too. Sorry if I seem preoccupied, but I can’t find my flash drive.”

Buy It Anyway: $19-$31 at Brando

Tommy Gun Purse

The Pitch:

Stupid.com says, “Robbing banks and stealing cars has never looked so fashionable with this Tommy Gun Purse. Sure to be a sensation, this purse will urge everyone to get on your best side.”

Why It’s Not Ideal: 

• Law enforcement generally doesn’t have a sense of humor about purses that look like guns, especially around banks and crowds.
• “My lipstick keeps sliding from the trigger area down into the barrel. I can never find it!” Prepare to hear your mom say that a lot.

Exceptions to the Rule:

• Your mom is looking for a purse that none of her friends have and none will run out and buy in order to horn in on her style.
• Your mom is sick of carrying around both her Tommy gun and her purse all the time.

Buy It Anyway: $14.95 at Stupid.com

Travel Slanket

The Pitch:

Firebox says, “Whether you’re driving home for Christmas, cooped up in some sub-zero carriage or shivering your butt off at 35,000 feet, travelling can be a surprisingly chilly business. So thank heavens the snuggle-ologists at Slanket have created a travel-friendly version of their gorgeously cosy blanket with sleeves. ”

Why It’s Not Ideal: 

• Slankets are barely okay for use at home when nobody’s looking.
• The amount of static generated by these 100% polyester wearables will absolutely interfere with the electrical systems of planes, trains, automobiles and any pacemakers within a 500-yard radius.

Exceptions to the Rule:

• Your mom will be camping out for the opening of The Hobbit in December.
• Your mom is a toddler (which defies science, by the way).

Buy It Anyway: $22.29 at Firebox

Anything Labeled ‘Beauty Gadget’

The Pitch:

Japan Trend Shop says, “Looking for that perfect Mother’s Day gift?” with an ad spotlighting the $94 Houreisen Face Exercise Mask (“Simply fasten the straps behind your ears and give your face a work out!”) and the $39 Pupeko Anti-Aging Mouthpiece (“Just pop the colorful Pupeko gently into your mouth, clench your jaw and breathe in and out”).

These are just two of the many whimsical products found in the site’s “Beauty Gadgets” section.

Why They’re Not Ideal: 

• Even the products’ models look borderline terrified, and they’re being paid.

Exception to the Rule:

• Your mom already has the $80 Face Slimmer Exercise Mouthpiece and is looking for a couple more items to add to her collection.

Buy Them Anyway: Beauty Gadgets at Japan Trend Shop